Living A Nightmare

Ever had a bad dream, or a nightmare? Where you’re screaming, screaming so loud for help, but no one is helping you. You’re yelling so hard, you feel your lungs exploding, your throat bursting, your veins bulging. Your face is rouge and you’re drowning in your own tears. The resonant thumping of your heart is all that your ears are accustomed to. You’re aching to reveal to your family that you need help, desperately. You clamber to the next room and begin nudging your mum to come to the rescue, but something’s not quite right. It’s as if she can’t see you. Your dad is too engrossed in BBC News. And your sibling, well, why bother. 

No one can see or hear you. Your silent screams are futile. Why are you even trying, they wouldn't understand anyway? That heart of yours is echoing to escape, to break free from you, once and for all. That mind wants to be unchained of all those thoughts and worries you constantly poisoned it with. That’s right. You poisoned it. Force-fed it like a stubborn toddler, with potential situations, anxieties, memories even. In the end, all it could do was be in despair. It couldn’t even talk to the heart anymore, nope. They used to be best friends as well. Look what you did. So cold and cruel of you. I know you hate yourself for it. Maybe you deserve it. Couldn’t you have just left them alone? Couldn’t you have just let it be? They would have healed sooner at least. It’s too late now. The venom has captured your soul. It runs in your blood and all throughout your body. Now you’re stuck in this hell of a place and no one can help you.

No one, but yourself. 

Only, you’re poisoned.

Why can’t I wake up?

'If I didn't think, I'd be much happier.' - Silvia Plath

Friend or Faux?

Okay so my mates actually read my blog - thank you gays! One suggested how I should write one about them, so I thought why not write about friendships!

The close friends we make in our lives are inevitably going to be one of the most important relationships we hold. The people we surround ourselves with, have a huge impact on us and sometimes we don't even realise this.

At times, the way we are as individuals can be dependant on how or who our friends are. They really can have a positive or negative effect on us and our lives.

Your true friends are the ones who are with you when times are hard. When you need them the most - they're there. When you need someone to talk to at any time of day - they're there. When you've got yourself in a pickle - they're there. Whatever you go through in life, the ups AND the downs, your true friends will always be there for you. And its amazing to know people who put others first. Count yourself lucky!

However, the sun doesn't shine forever. You may find that for the laughs yeah okay, they're with you, but you've been left alone in certain moments or hardships in life and they aren't the supportive people you need them to be. Well then, let me confirm: they're definitely faux mon chère.

If they never put any effort with you and continuously make excuses that they've just been 'too busy' or you simply feel you cannot reach out to them, then they're not worthy of being your friend. If they care they'll show it, if not, then wave them goodbye (doesn't have to be forever though!)

As hard as it is, when it does come to that point, it's high time to find other company who will not only be there for you, yet possibly even mould you into a better and stronger individual. Now that's far from being faux.

Obviously, one of the hardest things you can do is let go of people who once meant so much, but if you know something's not good for you, you've got to leave it and move on to better things. Bad influences can really ruin people.

This made me laugh!

It's sad, I know. Sometimes some relationships are just not meant to be and losing someone can make you aware of what kind of person you need to be around more, or less. You even learn how you are and should be as an individual. All these things that happen are merely learning processes in life. Kismat (fate), brings people together and can also pull them apart and with each relationship you're certainly taught something or the other.

I'm lucky to have the friends that I have! Actually no, they're lucky to have me, pffft :P

Some I've know for yearss and others I've just made! We laugh, we argue, we cry (well that's mainly me I guess) together. We can talk to each other about pretty much anything - no seriously, like literally, anything! We're kinda like one big family. It's nice. Makes you feel good to be surrounded by such people :)

And that's incredibly important: immersing yourself amongst GOOD people, because, in the end, the people you have in your life can influence the quality of your life.

The people you are always with, is ultimately who you become.

Do you guys agree? xxx

I'm a Little Snowflake.

For those of you who somehow haven't stepped out of your house, gazed out of a window or checked your Twitter or Facebook feeds. Let me tell you, it's snowingggggg!

I used to be so fascinated by snow. I'd wake up to see a certain brightness gleaming from my blinds and would immediately want to get outside and play in this angelic weather.
Don't get me wrong, I still do like it, but recently, I see it more as a nuisance than anything. And I have yet to enjoy it after my exams and assignments are in. Boo.

Nonetheless, I never fail to be amazed by its beauty. It has this certain freshness to it. It's so pure. As far as clichés go, it covers the whole world in a white blanket.

As I dazed outside I saw one or two tiny snowflakes encaptured by a spider web. So dainty and precious they were, that I feared the wind would instantly annihilate them.

And then I got a bit annoyed. How can something so beautiful be simplified to just a 'white blanket'?!

The snowflakes were all so unique and intricate, so pretty in their own way, yet so delicate, so fragile - that with one ultimate touch they could melt. Just like us. Like individuals.

At first glance of a person, we notice their outer beauty, how they appear to be.

She's beautiful, so radiant, has the prettiest smile I've seen. He's handsome, so strong, with the most amazing eyes. And we all fall in love with these generalised individuals.

I think that's a big problem. Sometimes we don't get closer and we fail to know them. When we do, we notice there's more, a whole load more of complex patterns: a personality to be discovered.

Like the snow she's beautiful, like the snowflake, she has designs of her own.

She's funny and naive. Smart and stubborn. Though, she too, is delicate. She has been affected by life's wind. Stamped all over by the footsteps.
And with a word, with silence, with actions, can melt. In an instant.


She's fragile.



Things are never what they seem to be and sometimes it's important we try and get closer, learn more. Yet, regardless of how much we know something or someone, we must always be cautious, one touch and they could break.

We must handle them with care.

With that, we should learn to accept people the way they are, at their best and at their worst. We should admire their beauty, but love their identity.

Its the same with life. I feel it's too generalised, seen as one big notion, when really it has so many finer details that we should cherish and work on.

Anyway, I'm going to end this post with another cliché: never judge a book by its cover. Read it, understand it. Love it. And if it's not your thing, don't read it in the first place - put it down - gently, with love.

The snow is so prettaaaaay! But the snowflakes are just quite something else I really can't explain.

Drink. Think. Do.

Day dreamer. That's me. Forever wondering. Forever attempting to solve the complex intricacies of life.
Sometimes I like to think of it as being a superhero, (preferably Catwoman, because she FIESTYYY! Oh and I like pretending to be a cat,) figuring out where we go wrong, how we can make it right. You know, trying to make the world a better place for us to live in an' all?

The wonderer.

'OI you! Stop zonking out all the time!'

If I got a piece of choccy for every time someone said that to me. I'd be mega obese.

I'd have a mate talking to me and i'd just zone out, thinking about something that happened that day, or something that could happen or whatever. (Or maybe I have boring friends? - Guys if you're reading this I'm messing and you know I have lotsa lovin' for you xox)

And then it hit me. BAM. It hit me in the face, just like an angry sister who found out her phone had been dropped and smashed... Erm yeah, it was an accident.

We may think about various things and aspects in our life, but do we actually DO?

The things that have gone wrong for us, do we sit there and dwell or do we attempt to actually CHANGE?

I don't just wonder, but I dream. I imagine my future, what I want, where I want to be. At first I'd think about the impossible. Nahhhh I'd never be able to achieve that. I'd never be able to get that job. But in essence, nothing is impossible if you believe so. If you limit yourself you won't achieve anything beyond that. DREAM BIG. Go beyond what you think you can do. There's no harm in it. Picture yourself in the position you want to be. Sometimes when you see that others have what you wish for, it helps. It makes you get off your a*se and grab that opportunity to make your dream, your reality.

Being idle will get you nowhere. 

You have to get out there and start somewhere, anywhere. The notion of making a move, even if its an inkling means you're putting a step in the right direction. You've got to try and try and try. Remember it will take time, maybe a lot of it, yet with perseverance you'll get there hopefully. It's better than wasting time and sitting in front of the telly watching re-runs of Come Dine with me, right?

Anyway this is just something that popped into my head while attempting to write my essay. Got the thought and name of this post from the back of a Lucuzade bottle. Ahh good ol' Lukey, didn't give me energy but gave me something to write!

Now I have S-Club 7's: Reach for the stars in my head! Damn. Better get back to assignmenting now.

Always try your best and if you don't get there, try again. And if you STILL don't get there. Remember there's a good reason for it. It's Kismat xxoxx