Those Things Called 'Humans'.

I'm going to try avoid going off on a rant in this post. But let's face it, we all have our days where we just hate people. We have enough of everyone, everything and just wish we could be alone. Me time.

They annoy us, they hurt us, they hate us, they criticise us, they're jealous of us or they judge us and this makes us in return, lose faith in mankind.

Around 7 billion people in the world and all it takes is one to change your opinion on them.

At secondary school, I was in a class of - at the time - what were immature girls. Being hardly any other coloured people in my form, I encountered racist remarks, b*tchyness and a whole load of other things. This would get to me really bad. I hated school at the start. I didn't understand why they were like that. In the end, I managed to stop caring and that's when it all got better.

Ironically however, it's mainly the ones close to us that transform our opinions on people. That's not how it's supposed to be right? They're meant to love us and see us happy.

No it's not supposed to be like that. Our nearest and dearest are the main ones that effect us, all because we care, we care the most about them.

Personally, I find that I care too much about everything and anything. Being a sensitive individual, all it takes is one little remark, one action and I'm deeply wounded. And the worst part is, I'm the only one caring. How can people be so hard-hearted? I think about this a lot, because I'd feel completely awful if I hurt someone, I like to see them happy. Although sometimes I wish I was like that. Cold. Heartless. Ignorant. It would mean I wouldn't get hurt. Selfish yes, yet it's better than being wounded.

People, be it jealousy or hatred or whatever reason, want to see you down. They like to see you fall and take pleasure in the pain it gives you. It gives them a sense of pride, they've accomplished something - they've got to you.

And that's the biggest mistake you can make.

Recently, I was feeling utterly worthless and crap, (urgh the things those humans can do to you) and my big brother gave me some good advice. He told me that people will always make you sad, bring you down and reminded me that I shouldn't feel like that because those who care know I'm a lovely person at heart and fun to be around. He told me to not let it get to me, to 'stand tall and show two fingers to the world.'

That's what we should do. Stop thinking about others and just live your life. Show them you're happy. The moment you start caring is the moment it will get to you.

It is a whole lot worse when it is those close to you though.

Don't you sometimes wish that there was no one else. That you could escape to a far away place, free yourself from these creatures and start afresh? I do.

Admittedly, to stop caring is something I really struggle with. I'm hoping I'll eventually get there. I want to be the girl with the 'I dont give a crap' attitude. Ha. Anyway, we've all got to try right?

I guess the kindness of humanity is all one needs to prosper.

Shame there are a few imbeciles who spoil it for us. *Sigh*

Why Do We Still Hold Onto Things That Hurt?

To be honest, I wish I could give you or myself a clear concise answer, but it's really a lot more intricate than that.

We may keep a tight grasp on things, people, memories, places and they hurt. They hurt because we don't have them anymore and it's that feeling of loss, that grieving sensation that kills us inside.

So why do we mull over these things that murder our happiness? Why would we be so stupid to even do that to ourselves? Well, let's analyse this in terms of a drug.

People take illegal drugs because of the feeling it gives them. They get high, they're happy, in a trance. For a moment they're in a perfect world of their own,  blissfully ignorant about anything else. Nothing can go wrong. It supplies them with a buzz, feeds them with an ecstatic sensation that they dream to be eternal. Imagine life being like that all the time.

This goes for the same for whatever we are clenching tightly in our clutches. We loved the ecstasy it let us delve into making us crave to go back to that moment, to experience that perfect time of bliss again. But we can't. And that's where the pain cunningly creeps in. We can't go back to it. We miss that feeling. We fear that we won't get it back. It's almost as if we need it again. That's when it hurts, bad.


Ultimately, it's a little paradox of its own.
We hold on to be happy.


How do we stop though? It's not that simple and it may never be. We have to eventually try to let go and create new memories. Find new things, explore new places, take a new drug perhaps.

Of course, cherish the old. It was and always will be a part of us and something in our life we desired at the time. And as they say, 'where there is pain there is gain.'

Let's use this pain to change us, but let it not empower us.

"I have memories, but only a fool stores his past in the future." - David Gerrold. I like that quote.


Free ourselves.
xoxo