The Overthinker.

It's been a while since i've blogged, but hopefully I shall be keeping up with this compared to before!

In those brief few months I was away, I learnt a lot about myself, experiencing things that life unwaveringly bombarded me with. One of the things I particularly learned was that I stress too much. Now, having a history of stress and anxiety, I already knew I did, but as to what extent I did so, I was unaware of.

I'm a thinker, I think to my heart is content, I analyse till my heart is discontent. And that's when I noticed a problem. I thought about things so much so - that I over-analysed them. My mind clouded by 'what ifs' and 'buts', poisoned by things that could go wrong: worries, anxieties, the future, the past. Sometimes it got to the point where I was going to mentally implode. I just wanted things to go right. I'd get told to 'not stress so much', yet it's not as easy as that, you really can't tell your mind to just shut up. If only there was an on and off switch.

Over thinking can be frustrating and disabling. It's like the leaky kitchen tap that incessantly drip, drip, drips and doesn't stop no matter how much you forcefully try turn it off. It's good to ponder upon certain things, but only a certain amount. While flicking through my instagram account, I came across a photo: 'People who over-think tend to create problems that weren't even there to begin with.' And that's when I paused for a moment and realised, you know what, this is true, I'm doing it all wrong.

It occurred to me that maybe I should let life take it's toll, do my best and stop thinking about these 'buts' and 'what ifs'. Because in the end, I'm making things worse for myself. There is no point worrying about what is going to happen, the future. And there is no point worrying about what has happened, the past. I need to focus on now, the present. I need to focus on now and eventually I will get my 'perfect' future. I need to focus on now.

Whenever I get overwhelmed my mum always tells me: 'Don't spoil your today or tomorrow because of yesterday.' She's right. Mums are always right.

I admit, I find it really difficult to just forget everything. But it takes time. Change takes time, but it will be worth it in the end. I've learnt patience is key.

I've promised myself to change this habit. Instead of stressing continuously, I guess we should just let whatever has to happen to happen and accept that everything that has happened, was for a reason, that too, for the best.


After all, it's kismat right?